Saturday, September 27, 2014

Back to School...finally...

After a 3 week strike schools in BC were finally back in session this week which meant my youngest daughter finally got to go to Kindergarten.

She was so excited to get to do all the things she had seen her big sister do for the past three years. On Sunday night she packed her backpack, laid out her clothes, filled her water bottle in preparation for day one. Which was only an hour.












One of the best perks of starting my own business and working from home is that I get to walk my kids to school every morning. I love it. I truly love it.

I like seeing their classrooms and talking to their teachers and feeling more connected to what they do on a daily basis. It's going to be a very good year indeed.

Monday, September 22, 2014

One year older and so much easier

As my girls get older I realize that many of the small things in life that used to be so hard...are getting to be a lot easier.

It started with me leaving the house without a diaper bag. How liberating to be out in public without diapers, wipes, toys and snacks. Next it was being able to drop them off at birthday parties and lessons instead of having to stay within arms reach.

Don't get me wrong...there is a part of me that is slightly disappointed when they make it clear they don't need me. But that part of me is getting smaller and smaller as the years pass.

Take the dentist for example. At age 3 my youngest took everything aspect of a trip to the dentist in stride. She opened wide, said ahh and watched the TV on the ceiling without a peep. Which meant I was completely unprepared for what happened at age 4 - a total, friggin' gong show.

She fought against everything. She squirmed and cried and kicked and screamed. I think in the end they managed to clean about 3 teeth. It was a nightmare.

So - no surprise - I was not looking forward to her dentist appointment on Friday. I knew my oldest would be fine - she always is - but I really did not want to deal with another tantrum. Turns out I need not have worried...because one year older meant one year wiser. And way easier for me...

She let them clean, polish, scrape and exam. She even let them take x-rays...well...x-ray.




After the success at the dentist I was definitely less apprehensive about the next appointment on the schedule - kindergarten shots. She said she was okay about it...even joked about being excited about them. But I could see the cracks in her little 5-year-old facade. She was nervous.

A 30 minutes wait at the doctors didn't help that. Every minute that ticked by her bravado faded just a little more. In the end...I think the doctor came in just in time. Just before she was ready to call it quits on the whole thing.

And she rocked it. No tears...no screams...she even watched the needle go in.





 Happy and healthy and proud to show off her double bandaids. And a sushi lunch and trip to Kidsbooks for a reward made it a perfect day indeed.

These are the moments where I simultaneously miss my baby and rejoice in the freedom and ease that comes with them getting older. I know the future brings challenges more difficult than a little sleep deprivation. I fully expect that in their teen years I will be curled up in the fetal position just wishing we could go back to potty training.

But for now I will take these little victories. I will relish the pride I see on her face and hear in her voice as she recounts her tales to anyone and everyone.


Saturday, September 20, 2014

I'm a total quitter...

Several months ago I made a huge life change and rather than finding gainful, full-time, benefit-providing employment I struck out on my own and opened a marketing consulting business.

It was something I had been talking about doing for years and the time finally felt right. And at the beginning it appeared I was right. I very quickly secured two regular paying gigs...to my great relief...and had leads on a few other potential jobs.

One of the contracts is with a contact I had worked with before and I knew it was a good fit for both of us. And that one has been great from the beginning.

The other one though I almost didn't take. There were red flags everywhere. The biggest one being that despite having an amazing product they hadn't been able to hang on to a marketing person for more than a 5 month stretch.

This was a situation where I should have listened to my instincts. I should have trusted in myself and the alarm bells that were ringing loudly and politely turned down the job. But I didn't.... Fear won out and I convinced myself it would be okay.

It wasn't. It was never fun. it was challenging and stressful and never fulfilling. I felt like this on so many days:


I wanted to quit so many times but just couldn't do it. I worried too much about the loss of the income and what that would mean to me and my girls. Plus, I felt like this was a bit of a lesson that all entrepreneurs learn. You aren't always going to like your clients and finding a way to work with them is part of finding a way to make your business work period.

And while that thought process is sound. There was another way I started to look at it. He was a client, not my boss. And I didn't go out on my own to work on projects that stressed me out. I went out on my own to have more control over how I spent my days and what I spent them working on.  Bottom line...I was letting this one client cause me too much anxiety.

So yesterday I called it quits. It wasn't easy - I was only 6 weeks from the end of my contract - and I don't like quitting. I wrote the email in the morning and couldn't bring myself to hit sent until 9pm. And as soon as I did I felt like the weight of the world had come off my shoulders...and I knew it had been the right decision.

And just minutes after hitting send I got another boost for my spirits. A potential client that I had (ashamedly) let fall by the way side over the summer sent me a message saying she had another project she wanted to talk to me about. This was a client I loved working with. We had really connected and I had been so angry at myself for letting the relationship fade away. My relief that it was still intact made me a little giddy...

I really feel like things are finally starting to fall into place for me. Especially in terms of work and writing and creativity.  My path is becoming clearer. My life is adopting a routine and a schedule. I am making time for things - and people - that matter most to me.

Of course, I don't want to turn into a complete pile of sap and cause you to want to "gag yourself with a spoon" so I will end with this:



and tell you how sorry I am if you are starting to feel like this:


Really....so very sorry.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Wordless Wednesday - Summer Moments

My writers block has meant I have failed to document several great moments my girls and I have had this summer.
And since this blog is something I want them to be able to look back on as a bit of a journal of our life...that just won't do.

Wordless Wednesday to the rescue! Here are some of my favourite moments...in very random order...and with no captions because that would defeat the 'wordless' part...
 

























On the whole...the summer of 2014 was a pretty good one. And these memories are keepers.

Happy Wednesday!



Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Blocked...

It doesn't take a genius to realize that I have a pretty freakin' severe case of writers block. I haven't written a thing in almost 2 months and it is killing me...

but I'm wondering if this is actually a case of life block. It's not just my writing that I have let fall by the way side over the past few months...it's a little bit of everything.

I feel stuck. Like my life is being played in fast forward but I'm stuck in slow motion. That everything - and everyone - is moving ahead in their lives and their dreams and I'm still here. waiting for...what exactly?

It is limbo...and let me tell you...it is not a fun place to live. And an even harder place to bust out of.

A few weeks ago I decided to bring back "Project Positivity" and focus on the things in my life I had complete control of. To let go of the anger that was turning me into a vile, petty shell of myself and choose happiness.

Sounds pretty good right? Unfortunately it's harder than it sounds.

Why is it that in today's society we seem to understand - and even embrace - negativity much more than positivity? We are all so quick to see the flaws in a plan rather than the potential. It almost goes against our very nature to believe that good can actually come...because we are too busy waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And that sentiment gets even more pronounced when it comes to being happy with what we have rather than wondering what else COULD be. We are so consumed with the "what ifs" we forget to cherish the "we already haves".


I am guilty of it. We all are. We covet. We get jealous. We forget to be grateful.

I want nothing more to be happy in the place that I am. I long to be able to honestly answer the question "how are you doing?" with an emphatic "I'm good." and mean it down to the core of my being.

I want to move forward. Not to have progress for the sake of progress...but to have real forward motion. To feel inspired again.

I have written so many times before about perspective being a beautiful thing. And this week has given me heaps of it. In my relationships, in my work, in my family...it is there at every turn.

And I am soaking it all in with the intent of making my days count. And doing things that make me happy.

Most of all I want to be grateful for what I have. And to be thankful for all the memories that are the foundation of the life I am living today.

This may not be the path I would have chosen for myself...but it is the path I am on nonetheless. Time to take a deep breath and forge ahead.

Unblocked...and with a tentative spring in my step and smile on my face.



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